Sometimes you just need a good cry.

So I had a mental breakdown last night. It completely came out of nowhere. I had been thinking about it in my head for a while and I think I had been too afraid to say anything out loud.

I'm scared about my relationship. I have been going through a period of doubts. Not about our feelings for eachother, but just about our strength and our endurance. Do I really want to stick it out? Wouldn't it just be easier (and cheaper) to end it right now before it gets too hard?

I am madly in love with JDC. It's not about that. The feeling of not having him in my life makes my heart hurt. But this distance makes me feel like he really isn't IN my life. The longer we are apart, the more we lead separate existences. And that's shitty.

I've decided I can't get ahead of myself. Take it one day at a time. JNC said it best when she told me this period of time is the most vulnerable I will ever be. There's so much uncertainty and we really can't see straight until the dust settles on our new reality.

There is no end in sight. This distance will continue for years, until someone makes a move. Literally. But that thinking does nothing for me. When I think just about tomorrow, I think that's only four more days until the next time I get to see my boy. And that way of thinking makes me feel a whole lot better.