Surveys are fun!

I've seen a ton of people doing this on fb, and of course tagging me to inform me that I should also do the deed. This morning, there was an article in the Star Trib about it. I've decided that if it's legit enough to get in the paper, it's legit enough to go on this blog. :)

25 (Probably Not so Interesting) Things

1. I am psychotic about working out my abs. I can deal with extra jiggle in my thighs and booty, but I really hate a flabby tum.

2. I absolutely struggle to make it through a day without caffeine. Whether I get it from a caffeine pill, a vitamin with caffeine, an energy drink, coffee, tea or all of the above...it's an essential part of my life that I am fine with never giving up.

3. I'm obsessive about my email. I check it constantly and spend a ridiculous time each day at work clearing out my inbox so that I never have more than 25 emails that haven't been sorted and file by client.

4. I grind my teeth. Last year, before I realized I grinded, I could not eat hard foods for a week because my teeth and jaw were so sore. I now have a mouthguard that I am supposed to wear. When John comes to visit, I hate to wear it. Unfortunately, I've been woken up in the middle of the night more than once to him yelling at me to "Shut up! You're grinding! Put in your mouthguard!"

5. In college, I loved nothing more than to get blackout on the weekends. Now when I drink I'm always a little freaked out that I'll blackout and make REALLY bad decisions.

6. I love to spend quiet time with myself. I hate it when I'm forced to spend quiet time with myself though.

7. I'm pretty sure at any given time during the day, I could successfully lay down and take a nap.

8. I love the Dave Ryan in the Morning Show. They routinely make me laugh out loud and every Christmas make me cry on a daily basis. Mornings would be shitty without them.

9. Yankee Candles are the shit. Anything smelling like a cake or cookies is a definite plus.

10. I desperately hope I will get the chance to go to Italy someday and I really wouldn't mind going back to New Zealand again either.

11. If I was really rich, I would surround myself with fresh flower arrangements and would hire people to make me a gorgeous garden.

12. Also if I was really rich, I would get weekly massages and bi-weekly pedicures. Oh and who am I kidding, I'd probably also go Mystic tanning once a week. A girl likes to be pampered!!

13. I just found out $5 footlongs are back for the entire menu. Holy shit, life-changing.

14. When I travel for work, the best part of my day is taking a bath, putting on the hotel robe and jumping into my king size bed.

15. People used to tell me I had a phone sex voice. I haven't heard that in a few years and I'm actually kinda sad about it.

16. The first time I remember feeling cute was on June 6 in 8th grade. It was the day I got my braces off, I was wearing a baby blue shirt from Guess and Brett J. said I was hot. It was the best day of my life at that point.

17. I love Jay Leno and watch him every night, but I think I might switch over to Dave with no difficulty once Conan takes over.

18. I have a huge crush on the guy in U2 who wears a beanie. He's like 55, but it's ok.

19. I have a problem with imagining having sex with most guys I come into contact to. Usually, it's a bad image and really grosses me out, but I can't help it.

20. I do Turbo Jam about once a week. It's a video you can order off an infomercial, but it rocks. Chalene is the chick who leads it and I'm really crushing on her hard now that Billy Blanks has exited my life for the moment.

21. I often Febreeze my entire bed, pillows and comforter with the spray that is said to eliminate 99.9% of germs. I wonder if that is almost the same as washing my sheets.

22. I love any sort of bread product. I honestly wonder if I could give up carbs for a $1 million prize. I hope I could cause that would really help out with #10-12.

23. I hate making follow-up calls to the media after I send out releases. In fact, I hate doing anything that has a thing to do with traditional public relations. My degree is totally useless.

24. I would estimate that 75% of my credit card bills is spent on food. I would eat out for every meal if I had the means.

25. I hate people who think they are cool because they don't take prescribed medicine.

Whew! That was seriously hard.

Sometimes you just need a good cry.

So I had a mental breakdown last night. It completely came out of nowhere. I had been thinking about it in my head for a while and I think I had been too afraid to say anything out loud.

I'm scared about my relationship. I have been going through a period of doubts. Not about our feelings for eachother, but just about our strength and our endurance. Do I really want to stick it out? Wouldn't it just be easier (and cheaper) to end it right now before it gets too hard?

I am madly in love with JDC. It's not about that. The feeling of not having him in my life makes my heart hurt. But this distance makes me feel like he really isn't IN my life. The longer we are apart, the more we lead separate existences. And that's shitty.

I've decided I can't get ahead of myself. Take it one day at a time. JNC said it best when she told me this period of time is the most vulnerable I will ever be. There's so much uncertainty and we really can't see straight until the dust settles on our new reality.

There is no end in sight. This distance will continue for years, until someone makes a move. Literally. But that thinking does nothing for me. When I think just about tomorrow, I think that's only four more days until the next time I get to see my boy. And that way of thinking makes me feel a whole lot better.

Can I copy and paste from someone else?

I have 3 blog posts. That sucks. I want to pretend like I've been doing this for a lot longer so I'm going to follow suit with all the other cool kids I know who blog and take up space with a survey. (I'm not mocking, I genuinely really like taking surveys.)

One Word Survey

Where is your mobile phone? Eh?
Where is your significant other? Mexico
Your hair colour? Ick
Your mother? Loving
Your father? Independent
Your friends? Hysterical
Your favourite thing? Laughing
Your dream last night? Sad
Your ultimate goal? Adventure
Your fear? Loneliness
The room you're in? Colorful
What is overrated? Work
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Accomplished
Where were you last night? Boozing
What you're not? Perfect
One of your wish-list items? Reassurance
Where you grew up? Australia
The last thing you did? Thanksgiving
What are you wearing? Sweats
Your TV? Boxy
Your pets? Amusement
Your computer? Gigantic
Your mood? Confused
Missing someone? Always
Favourite word? Mer
Something you're not wearing? Headgear
Favourite shop? DSW
Your summer? Speedy
Love someone? Profoundly
Your favourite colour? Turquoise
When is the last time you laughed? Tonight
When is the last time you cried? Bedtime

Reunited and it feels so good...

So it's been a while. I know. I've left Iowa, graduated from college, moved home, started my first job, quit my first job, started another "first job", blah blah. Now, here I am, settling in quite nicely. From April to November, life has been a rollercoaster. I've had some emotional ups and downs navigating my goals and purpose for life after college. I can honestly say, I have NO idea what the future is planning to throw at me.

When I encounter that extreme uncertainty of the future, I've found I do best when I look back into my past to see how I've changed. Since college has ended, I've really been able to take a look at who I surround myself with. It's easy to see I have amazing friends, an extremely supportive family and for the past year, a partner I couldn't be happier about.

What I also realized is that I've had some pretty awesome people in my past that are no longer around for whatever reason. Since my move back to MN, I've reconnected with one of these people. One of my absolute best friends in high school was there for me every step of the way. Even though we were almost entirely different in personality, we found ourselves double dating every weekend with our respective high school boyfriends and quickly became close.

When she went to college a year before me, we lost touch. We had separate lives and I don't think we knew how to find common ground anymore. It was scary, but never awkward, coming back 5 years later to a friend I realized I kinda don't know anymore. She's changed and I've changed, but we've been able to acknowledge it and move on.

It's refreshing to know things don't always have to end badly. When I have ended friendships because I've felt they were toxic, it weighs on me. I had many times wondered if Molly thought I was a bad person or thought I had thrown our friendship away. It has brought me some sort of peace to know we have successfully reconnected and we're picking up where we left off. It's made me happy to know she still loves me and wants me in her life.

I want to continue to surround myself with people who make me feel good. In a time where I feel like my life can be whatever I want it to be, that's all I know.

So this could be my life...

Two nights ago John and I went the big "spouses/girlfriends" Air Force meeting. John had brought up this meeting and invited me to come over a month ago and ever since I have been dealing with a constant anxiety about what this meeting could mean for us. The minute marriage and the whole husband and wife thing comes up, I feel a genuine itchy sensation. No, not like a good itch (is there really such a thing as a good itch?). More like "Oh my god, I can't breathe because I feel claustrophobic in my own skin!" itch. It's not that I am uncomfortable with the idea of being married; I just know I have so many other things I want to do before that time in my life. Let's just say I'm not ready, and I know John isn't either. So it seemed like a big step to be going to meeting where we would be forced to talk about what life would be like if we are still together five, ten, years from now.

Anyway, the meeting went really well. Neither of us cried, had an anxiety attack, or ended the relationship so that was good. It was basically just a question and answer session with John's Captain and his wife (who is coincidentally originally from Bloomington as well...of course, I think this is a sign in some way). They helped clear up a lot of misconceptions for me, and generally painted a very happy picture of the Air Force lifestyle. Among the highlights (or lowlights, whatever your perspective):

1. AF personnel generally get a new assignment every 3-4 years
2. AF personnel are generally required to travel on various missions adding up to what would equal a 4 month deployment every two years
3. The military hooks you up hardcore with benefits!
4. There is an AF "Wife Handbook" and and "Officer's Wives Club." FYI: How to properly serve tea and write formal correspondence to other spouses is covered in the handbook. Thank god.
5. Finding a job with every move sucks. But if you want a career, you can make it happen. (You just have to deal with the fact that you will never be in one job for more than a few years.)

Needless to say, the highlights/lowlights would mean drastically changing my "pre-John life plan." I'm currently digesting the information and pretending like I don't really have to deal with these huge life decisions.

Seriously, how genius is this title?

Did you really expect me (a celeb gossip, techno music loving PR chick) to have an intelligent sounding blog? :) Yea, me either.

I've been thinking about starting a blog for over a year now. I wanted to have one when I went to Australia to record all of the wild experiences I planned on having, but the beach clearly became more of a priority than typing on a computer. Then, when I got back, I thought my life was too boring to have a blog...I live in Ames; what do I have to write about that anyone would voluntarily want to hear about?!

I'm determined though. I've decided that it's not about where I live that determines how interesting my life experiences are. (I'm so profound!) Sure, if I was MOB and venturing around rural Africa, roaming with lions, I would have some pretty sweet stories. But even living in small town Iowa, I have managed to find myself in several intriguing situations (Ahem, crazy roommates...take your pick of which one in the past four years). So hopefully, someone will find me mildly amusing and make me feel cool by reading my blog.

In the legendary words of DJ KOOL, "I hope ya don't mind, let me clear my throat!" (I mean really, how perfect is this blog title?)

Editor's Note: Yes, there is already a blog titled "Let Me Clear My Throat" as well as "Clear My Throat." Therefore, the editor had to settle for a slightly ambiguous web address. On an unrelated note, the editor apologizes in advance for future rants including those about jobs, men, politics and annoying people.